“The greatest gift is a portion of thyself.”
     Ralph Waldo Emerson
      

"You're About To Discover The 10 Most Common Gift Giving Mistakes..."

There are few things more awkward than receiving an inappropriate gift.  Unless, of course, you are the one giving it.  Giving a great gift is special because it warms a spirit, creates a smile, and leaves an impression. While there are no written rules to abide by with gift giving etiquette, there are many situations in which you can actually do more harm than good.

Mistake #1:  Arriving Empty-Handed

When you're invited to a dinner party it is common courtesy and proper gift etiquette to bring the hostess a token of appreciation because she is likely cooking for you.  This is a simple way to say "thank you" for the invitation.  However, this does not apply when visiting friends or neighbors on a frequent basis.  If you take turns cooking dinner for another couple, for example, it would seem excessive to bring a gift each time you visit.  Use your best judgement.  If you only get together twice a year, then try to bring something.  It is simply good manners. 

If the hostess specifically asks you not to bring a gift, you should respect her wishes. However, make sure you send a nice thank you card the next day (we'll get to that later). For larger parties, it's a good idea to call the party planner before the date to inquire about gift etiquette--especially during the holidays.  Because customary gift exchanges such as "Yankee Swap", "Secret Santa", or "Gift Trade" can be popular, you won't want to arrive empty-handed.

Unique Hostess Gift Ideas:  plate of dessert, recipe book, scented candle, soap/lotion gift set, monogrammed napkins, personalized guest towels

Mistake #2:  Not Having a Gift on Hand

How embarrassing would it be if you forgot someone's special day? Graduations, birthdays or anniversaries are obvious times when you are expected to come through with a congratulatory present. Keeping a special stash of extras in your closet is an excellent idea because this will prevent last minute rushing and save you valuable time (and embarrassment).  One suggestion is to purchase three gifts:  one for a child, another for a woman, and a third for a man.  This way you are always prepared for last minute occasions.   

If someone unexpectedly gives you a gift, don't panic and say, "But I didn't get you anything!"  Oversights do happen.  A gift given out of obligation is not proper gift etiquette because it is not the true principle of giving.  Your giving should not be stressful, it should be instinctive.  Besides, giving makes people feel good.  Simply smile, say "thank you", and offer a big hug. 

Unique Gift on Hand Ideas: gift cards from coffee houses, day spas or toy stores, movie passes, tee shirts   

Mistake #3:  Not Finding a Reason to Give

Because you love him. Because you're thinking of her. Because it's Tuesday. Because you saw something you knew your beloved always wanted.  Proper gift etiquette doesn't wait for an occasion to give, it finds a reason now.  Surprising your friend, co-worker, or loved one with a gift will mean so much more to them because it is unexpected.   

When talking with others, you need to pay attention to their "wish" list.  This list usually starts with phrases like,  "I wish I had..." or "I really need..." or "I'd like to try...".   Just imagine how it would make him or her feel to receive that very wish on a day when they aren't expecting anything!  And here's an even more thoughtful way to give this type of gift...give it anonymously or have it delivered in a special way.  The love you plant by this simple gesture will reap a great harvest.

Unique 'Reason to Give' Gift Ideas:  this one must be tailored to specific needs and wants

Mistake #4:  Not Showing Appreciation

Have you known people who go out of their way to help others?  Like the caretaker of your elderly relative at the nursing home, or a teacher who stayed after hours to help your child with his homework. How about the person who looked after your home while you were on vacation?  Maybe your husband took a few days off from his golf game to help you weed the garden.  Unexpected or repeated kindness, hospitality, financial assistance, or care-taking deserves a gift because this is proper gift giving etiquette.  When a token of gratitude is in order, don't forget to say, "Thanks, you really mean a lot to me."  Fancy gifts are not necessary.  People simply like to be appreciated. 

Unique Appreciation Gift Ideas:  box of freshly baked bread or muffins, bouquet of flowers, framed photo, scented candle, theater experience, makeover

Mistake #5:  Making It Too Impersonal

Think about your talents for a minute. What are you particularly skilled at doing? Now, utilize your God-given strengths to enhance your gift giving.  For example, if you are good at taking pictures, photograph something sentimental--such as a person, place or thing near and dear to your heart. Finish it with a rustic frame and you have a special, one-of-a-kind gift. Or perhaps you are good at handiwork.  Try building a birdhouse for that friend who enjoys bird watching.  If your strong suit is service-related, use it to serve the Lord by helping someone with a need. Offer to baby-sit for that stay-at-home mom because she needs an afternoon to herself.  By making your gifts personal and tailoring to the specific interests of the individual, your gift is sure to be memorable.

Unique Personal Gift Ideas:  must be tailored to your skills such as baking, building, scrapbooking, painting, photographing, baby-sitting, writing, decorating, etc.

Mistake #6:  Choosing a Gift that You Want

Did you ever open a Christmas gift as a child only to be disappointed when you discovered it was a sweater?  A common mistake to avoid when gifting is choosing something you like instead of what the recipient will enjoy. Escape the awkward moment of answering the question, "Is there a gift receipt?" by asking someone close to the person about their likes and dislikes.  Remember, you can think it's awful, but the receiver may think it's grand.  Finally, make sure to wrap your present because presentation is the last step in personalizing your gift. Your wrapping makes a statement that the gift--and more importantly the recipient--is indeed special.

Unique Personalized Gift Ideas:  hobby related items (hunting, fishing, golfing, etc.), sports fan items, occupational related items (teacher gift cards to superstores are a big hit), toys (not sweaters), memberships, subscriptions, lessons

Mistake #7:  Gifts That Are Too Expensive

If you happen to be monetarily blessed, you don't have to spend a lot of dollars to give a great gift. It can be embarrassing for people who are not able to buy lavish items to receive more than they can afford.  Although not intentional, reminding someone you are better-off financially is not proper gift etiquette.  So, even if you can afford to buy your best friend that extravagant cappuccino maker, remember that you don't want her to feel inadequate.  Blushing is not the reaction that you want. 

By the same token, if you happen to be the less affluent friend, don't feel obligated to buy a gift that is out of your price range because God does not want you living in debt. And let's face it, buying presents can be downright expensive.  Imagine how disappointed you would be if there were no dinner dates for the next few weeks because of a gift that was out of the budget!  You must set priorities and live within your means.  When your heart is in the right place, any gift that is genuine will be appreciated just as much.

Unique Affordable Gift Ideas:  dog/cat lover items, seasonal items (scarf, gloves, umbrella, beach bag/towel), cosmetic bag, manicure, passes (to zoo, museum, theme park, bowling, etc.), create a coupon book (with personal "I give you" messages)

Mistake #8:  Controversial Gifts

Be aware of different customs.  Some cultures perceive gift exchanging differently. In traveling abroad and at home, it is imperative to research gift etiquette customs in advance to avoid any awkward moments.  Also, be careful when giving controversial or intimate gifts--such as alcohol, cologne, or jewelry.  A gift that may be regarded as highly valuable to some could be insulting to others.  If you are unsure, choose a gift that is widely accepted.

In business, finding the right gifts for your clients or potential clients can be a challenge.  In the last several years, corporate gift programs have really helped the gift etiquette dilemma by offering a wider variety of high-quality gift items.  Remember, the most important thing in corporate gift etiquette is to give something that is professional and tasteful. 

Some corporate environments have restrictions, so ask the personnel department for gifting guidelines.  Because gifts may be perceived as bribes, giving a very expensive gift or a promotional item (anything with your company logo) is not considered proper gift giving etiquette.  As a rule of thumb, the gift should be more expensive for upper level management than a gift you would give to the entire staff. When exchanging gifts with colleagues in your own office, you want to consider an item that is subtle and keeping with good taste.

Unique Corporate or Co-worker Gift Ideas:  inspirational items (books, paperweights), cooking items (oven-to-table serving dishes, decorative utensils), outdoor items (windchimes, birdfeeders), gourmet chocolates/coffees/teas, drinking glasses, stationary/notecard sets, fresh seasonal fruit

Mistake #9:  Coping with Grief Improperly

The gift that makes you the most vulnerable is your heart, because there is always the risk of loss.  Losing someone who is an integral part of your life is never anticipated.  The recovery process can be slow, painful, and sometimes lifelong.  A very difficult situation that you will eventually face is how to adequately reach out to others in their time of loss.  What is proper gift etiquette when you need to show them sympathy?  How can you help when only God can mend their broken heart?

The emotional support of friendship is paramount in times of loss. Proverbs 20:5 tells us to "mourn with those who mourn."  Let others see that you hurt for them.  Go ahead and cry.  Hug them.  If you don't know what to say, tell them you love them and how sorry you are for what they are going through.  Always listen, listen, listen.  It is not proper gift etiquette to use clichι phrases, offer solutions, or avoid the person altogether. This is the time when you must overcome your feelings of inadequacy and go the second mile.  Remind him or her that they are not alone by your unwillingness to let go. God will love them through your support and friendship.

Unique Sympathy Gift Ideas:  Books, cards, helping with chores/errands, donation to favorite charity in memoriam, prepared meal

Mistake #10:  An Improper Thank You

Follow-up is probably the most important element of gift giving etiquette.  Because every gift deserves a solid thank you, promptly express your appreciation to the giver. A telephone call is good, but a hand-written note is better.  Keep your message heartfelt and simple, on a nice note-card, stationary sheet or postcard.   Be sure to express gratitude for the item and say something nice about it, such as how you plan to use it.  If it is from someone close to you, mention the importance of that relationship.  Returning favor with a gift is not always necessary.  But, keep your ears open for ways you can return the blessing. Gratitude for any gift, no matter how large or small, will never go out of style.